THE SILENT P

Oh wouldn't it be nice to Pee silently

Instead of announcing one's exit noisily

What wouldn't one give for a soundless wee

For those tense minutes of aqueous activity

Blessed are those who don't make it messy 

Whose aim is true, who stream steady

Who go forth with pride and not call attention

to the orchestrations of conducted ablution

Praise to the practitioners of the placid piddle 

Who ride on the side and not hit the middle

And stand, I suppose, like the stately ash

to guide the slide and avoid the splash

There must be a trick to avoid the tinkle 

which eludes those who loudly sprinkle

and go audibly at the public altar 

adding echo to the passage of water

Go with the flow doesn't suitably explain 

how discretion transforms into drizzling rain

And no matter how much you curtail the power

Everyone hears your turbulent shower

What is the secret to spending a penny

And wet discreetly not spray like confetti

Intriguing, the enigmatic mystery of belief

that in time lies the mastery of quiet relief